where was I when I lost all hope?

where was I when I traded my strenght to become a wimp.

someone who is afraid of all and nothing

someone who believes she ownes it but she is only walking further

what made my heart so cold

the missing. the longing. the cold walls. the change, the fear of the future. being vulnerable..... dont know.

stiff like the rocks next to the ocean, that every day get splashed by the waves and still they dont drop a word.

nothing.

all.

more.

less.

reluctant and impatience

there and here,

tired of believing, tired of trying, somehow alone and running

what got me so bad that made my hands grow dirty

Im not talking about drugs, sex or murder

Im talking about seflishness

Im talking about living a lie,

Im talking about discrimination, not complete, but like persistent dots in my thoughts.

Im talking about the times Ived turned my back and havent cared

about the days where the hunger for attention of my neighboor how it pleased me to ignore it.

about the desire to just fit, run and hurt that comes so well dressed

and yet I smile, am I being dishonest, maybe not, maybe I do have -though unreal or stupid- the hope that things can work out, that dreams can be reach, that I can forgive and forget.